Sunday, 12 February 2017

Guest Review: Fifty Shades Darker

A totally serious 'Fifty Shades Darker' guest review by Charles Guo..... You have been warned.


"Don’t cum"

Don't cum
Man, I felt like Christian Grey was talking directly to me when he said that line because let me tell you, I was at the brink of orgasm from minute one to the very last scene. This movie was a masterpiece, no doubt about it. Every scene, and every intimate moment was filmed so perfectly that I felt an overwhelming sense of voyeurism throughout the entire film. I mean, this was ultimately a film about two people who were going through things that every couple goes through! The emotional connection between the two main characters, Analstasia and Christian, was captured so perfectly by Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan that I found it almost hard to believe that I was watching a film. The two actors had tremendous chemistry- every line, every touch, every seductive look was performed so naturally that it couldn’t possibly have been scripted.

The author utilizing BDSM equipment. 
The film was also deeper than might have thought going into the cinema. There were metaphors upon metaphors that were within metaphors, you know what I mean? There was this one scene that’s burned into my memory. Ana and Christian were driving Christian’s yacht through a wide expanse of clear ocean. The song “I don’t wanna live forever” started playing- it perfectly set the tone for the scene. Christian’s hands were on top of Ana’s on the steering wheel. Then he let go of her hands, and she was in full control of the boat. It was such a beautiful metaphor for their relationship. The sexy, dominant Christian Gray was finally letting go, and giving Anastasia the reins of the relationship. She was in charge of the boat, of their relationship, and they were sailing in uncharted territory- Christian had never done this before, and it just made the whole scene so much more exciting to watch. Anyways. Suffice to say, the film took me on an emotional rollercoaster. I was on the edge of my seat throughout the entire film, through every single moment- from them being apart, to them getting together, to Christian’s past coming back to haunt him (gasp!), to the beautiful, beautiful ending which had me crying tears of joy for the protagonists. My god. You’ll have to watch it to understand.

Upon further thought, I’ve realized the true genius of director James Foley. You see, Fifty Shades Darker was marketed as a sort of gritty, romantic film, but in reality, it was one of the best comedy films I have ever seen. Honestly, it felt like a funny buddy cop film punctuated by steamy scenes of ‘kinky fuckery’ that turned me on while pulling out laugh after roaring laugh from me. Unlike the more serious first movie, this one was actually so much more stimulating. The back-and-forths between the two characters were so greatly written that it felt like they were having real conversations. I mean, who doesn’t talk to people like that? Also, who knew that texting with perfect grammar and punctuation would be so tantalizingly erotic?

The only negative point about the whole experience was the very controversial R rating the movie has been labeled with. The nudity was not striking and only used to accentuate the key scenes and capture the viewer’s attention. The generally descriptive approach to sex toys and the physical relationship between the two protagonists would make this movie entirely viable for screening to minors as it adds a certain educational aspect. I myself have left the cinema as a changed man and will incorporate the wisdom conveyed by this masterpiece in many areas of my life.

In conclusion, Fifty Shades Darker is a great family film. It’s a great romantic film, and a great comedy as well. You’ll be crying tears of sadness, joy, and also pity for the future career of Jamie Dornan. If you’re a fan of hyperrealism, biting dialogue and anal beads, this is a film for you. Also if you want to have a wank in the cinema, you can have a field day.


I give it 6.9/5
- Charles Guo

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